My Son, the Safety Officer

Back in my pre-grad school days, I spent a few years working as a research chemist for a big pharmaceutical company. It was a generally great experience, and it gave me a leg up in grad school. I learned how to work as a chemist, how to think as a chemist, and how to prepare for emergencies like a chemist. This latter bit of my education fell under the auspices of the Corporate Safety Department, who oversaw things like like fire training, safety equipment testing, and lab safety supervision. Most of these folks had a theoretical background in lab safety, but had never worked in a lab in person. There was an inherent friction between experienced chemists who took safety quite seriously and knew a plain old stupid safety regulation on sight, and the "suits", who apparently held all rules to be sacrosanct. An inspection from CSD often elicited eye-rolling from the chemists who had just been informed that their lab failed a safety inspection because some cabinet drawers had been left ajar by a centimeter or so.

I hadn't thought of these safety guys in years until a couple of weeks ago, when my cautious-by-nature son appointed himself as our neighborhood safety patrol. To wit:

Scene 1:

Zeph and I were playing in the front yard. Some kids rode by on bikes, bare-headed..

Zeph: "Waaaahhhhh! Those kids! They are riding bikes!"

Me: "Um, they are, why are you upset?

Zeph: "Waaahhhhh! They are supposed to have helmets on!!! Nnnnooooo!"

I managed to calm him down after the kids rode by, only to have group of skateboarders zoom by on the sidewalk....

Zeph: "Waaahhhh! Those kids are skating on boards!"

Me: "Yup, and look, they have their helmets on. That's good."

Zeph: "Nnnoooo! They need to have kneepads on also! Waaaahhhhh!"


Scene 2:

Driving around town today, we were passed by a convertible with the top down...

Zeph: "An open convertible! Wow! No! No!"

Me: "That's a nice car. Why are you worried?"

Zeph: "The driver doesn't have a helmet on!"

Me: "People don't usually wear helmets in cars..."

Zeph: "The car is OPEN!!! The driver could klonk his head! Nnnooo!"


Scene 3:

Zeph was talking to Gran-Gran on the phone...

Gran-Gran: "Pop-Pop and I went swimming in our pool today."

Zeph (very seriously): "You need to have sunscreen on when you swim."

Gran-Gran: "Oh, I had my sunscreen on."

Zeph: "Pop-Pop needs to put some on your back..."


Yup. I can see it now. My son, the famous Corporate Safety Vice-President. I'm not sure what to think.