This Christmas Stuff is Complicated

Liam and I were in our driveway this week when something caught his eye. It turns out he was looking at the wire thingy that keeps birds from nesting in the chimney.

Liam: "What's that thing on top of the chimney?"

Me: "It's a wire thingamajigger that keeps the birds from building their nests in our chimney."

(Notice we are all about accurate terminology in our house. Ahem.)

Liam: "Oh. Mommy, I'm worried because that wire thingy is a problem for Santa. How will he get down the chimney?"

Me: "Well, honey, Santa's a smart guy and he's been doing his job for a long time. He carries every tool he could possibly need when he flies his sleigh. He can take the thingamajigger down if he needs to."

Liam (looking relieved): "Oh!"

We started walking into the house.

Liam (pointing up): "Mommy, I'm worried again. Are those the birds we're keeping out of the chimney??"

I realized he was pointing to a flock of extra-large, swooping turkey vultures. They roost in our neighbors' evergreens.

Liam: "Mommy, can you check and make sure Santa puts the wire thingy back on? I don't want those birds in our house. They might be bitey. Or nippy, you see. I'm worried about the vultures."

Me: "Sure thing, kiddo."

Liam (clearly not reassured): "Actually, maybe you should just tell Santa to use the front door."

Later that day, Liam was looking out the front door.

Liam: "Mommy, where's the snow? For Santa's sleigh, you remember?"

Me: "Honey, we don't always have snow here for Christmas. But Santa always manages to come anyway. You don't have to worry about that."

Liam: "Mommy, did you talk to Santa about the wire thingy yet?"

Me: "Um, no, not yet, but I will."

Liam: "Can you tell him to bring a truck? It might not snow, you see. And his sleigh might not work."

Me (all seriousness, of course): "Absolutely, honey. I will make sure Santa plans for all contingencies."

Liam: "Mommy?"

Me: "Yes?"

Liam: "Can you tell Santa that reindeer don't have wings? So it's not so easy for them to fly? So he really needs that truck?"

Me: "Absolutely, son."

We've been having conversations like this all week long.

Shipping presents to various friends and family members across the country? No problem.

Sending several dozen Christmas cards? No problem.

Arranging a class gift for Liam's teacher? No problem.

Answering all my 3-year-old's questions? Has left me with both a spinning head and a ribcage that aches from laughing.