Three Is Hard

One day earlier this summer Liam and I were up the street at the farm buying some veggies for dinner. While we were there we met another neighborhood mom (I'll call her Maggie) who was there with her twin boys, age 2, and her four-month old baby. We saw them there a couple more times, and she and I thought it would be fun to have a playdate. On Friday, they came over.

When I told Liam of the plan that morning he told me he didn't want them to come over, but couldn't give me a reason why. Thinking that he would change his mind once the boys arrived, as has happened previously with other playdates, I didn't give it any more thought.

I should have.

The family arrived at the door and Liam started screaming. In a matter of seconds the whole thing escalated to a purple-faced tantrum in which he kept sobbing and yelling that he wanted them to leave. He grabbed Maggie's hand and tried to pull her back out of the door.

I had no idea what to do other than take him into another room and try to calm him down. I told him I would talk to Maggie and see what we could do. Maggie and I agreed to give it ten minutes and see what happened. We attempted some small talk. Periodically Liam would scream out, "Are they gone yet?" Once he ran in to retrieve some especially important toys. Maggie asked him what would help him feel better.

He answered, "I want my Mommy to myself, and I want you and your children to leave."

Ouch.

After remarking on how well he speaks, and admitting to being a bit worried about having three-year-old twins on her hands, Maggie and her kids left. I felt bad, especially since they walked over in the heat. And a bit embarrassed. And a bit mad, since I had been looking forward to some adult conversation. And confused, since Liam's only had a tantrum of this magnitude once before, and that was the day after Kieran was born.

I spent the remainder of Friday and a lot of Saturday thinking things like "He's going to be a tantruming 3-year-old forever" and "I'll never be able to have anyone over again" and "I have to teach him to behave and soon!" Then this essay by Anna Quindlen was serendipitously sent to me by a friend.

In it, Anna Quindlen talks about how important it is to enjoy our children at each stage, because they grow quickly and soon all we have are memories and photos. So I got to thinking - what is a 3-year-old?

3 is a lot of baby wrapped up in a mercurial shell that looks an awful lot like a big boy, especially when you've got a baby brother in the house.

3 is easily provoked, and 3 doesn't yet have the skills to manage anger.

3 is realizing you have power, and learning how to use it.

3 is being a bit scared of that power.

3 is a lot of pressure. Adults expect you to go to school and use a potty, and maybe, just maybe, you don't want to.

3 is not having the choices you wish you had.

3 is sometimes way too big a job for such a small and inexperienced person.

3 isn't always bad, though,

3 is fun because you can teach your baby brother to sign "I love you!"

3 is exciting because on your next birthday you will be four! years! old! and will have a red fire engine cake!

3 is telling your Mommy, "The best thing about loving you is hugging you."

And 3 is almost over. November brings Birthday Number 4, and probably a whole new set of challenges.

(And maybe, just maybe, fewer tantrums.)